Proboscis monkeys - the monkey with the LOO....OONG  nose • Proboscis monkeys can only be found on the Borneo Island (Sabah, Sarawak and Kalimantan) but ... • Why do the MALES have BIG. long pointed noses ??? Because   in   this   kingdom,   t he   females   prefer   males   with   big   noses ,   and   so   these   males   get   to   have   more   of   their   next generation, hence the baby monkeys inheriting their big nose genes !!! The   noses   also   amplify   warning   calls   and   the   angrier   the   proboscis   monkey   is,   the   larger   the   nose   gets   and   the   louder   the warning call!

The smallest bone in the humans.. The smallest bone in the body is in the ear ! It is called the “Stapes“ or also known as stirrup bone. It measures only 0.25- 0.33 cm long (0.10-0.13 in) and weighs only 1.98- 4.3 mg ! The smallest muscle in the humans.. It is also in the ear ! It is called “Stapedius” muscle. It also attaches to the stapes bone. Paralysis of this muscle can cause normal sound to appear very loud.

The ancient Chinese used to think that ears indicated character and destiny. Long earlobes meant a long life, while thick ones meant wealth. As well as having unique fingerprints, humans also have unique tongue prints. Your sense of smell is around 10000 times more sensitive than your sense of taste. The praying mantis has only one ear, located in the centre of its chest. Crickets have their ears on their legs, while cicadas have them on their stomach !

HEARING PROBLEM 1 Mr.Tan, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical examination. A few days later the doctor saw Tan walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. The doctor spoke to Tan and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Tan replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc. 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful.'" (heart murmur = a specific humming sound from the heart indicative of heart valve disorders) HEARING PROBLEM 2 A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife can't hear him. "How bad is it?" the doctor asks. "I have no idea," the husband says. "Well, please test her. Stand 20 feet away from her and say something. If she doesn't hear you, get closer and say the same thing. Keep moving closer and closer and repeating the comment until she does hear you. That way we'll have an idea of her range of hearing loss." So the man goes home and sees his wife in the kitchen chopping up vegetables for dinner. From 20 feet away: "What are we having for dinner?" No answer. From 10 feet: Same thing. From 5 feet: Same thing. Finally, he's standing right behind her: "What's for dinner?" She turns around, looks at him and says:"For the FOURTH time, MEAT BALLS!"  HEARING PROBLEM 3 Patient: “Doctor! Doctor! I swallowed a bone !” Doctor: “Are you choking?” Patient: “No, I really did!” NOSE PROBLEM A man went to the doctor complaining that every time he spoke, he farted. "You must (FFFaaaart....) help me, Doc. Its extremely (whwhwhiiiiffffle...) embarrassing. The only (Phhheeeeeeooooowwww....) saving grace is that the farts don't (sssssphphrrrrrroophphphphphph....) smell." "Hmm!" said the doctor, "I'll have to send you to a specialist." "Will that be a gastro-enterologist (Faaaaaaart) or a surgeon?" said the patient. "Neither," said the doctor. "I'm sending you to an Ear, Nose & Throat Specialist. If you think those farts don't smell, then you've got something wrong with your nose ! !" DIZZINESS PROBLEM Doctor: What seems to be your trouble? Patient: When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour. Doctor: Try getting up one hour later. HEED THE DOCTOR’S ADVICE Patient: It's been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable. Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you? Patient: I sure did - the bottle said 'keep tightly closed.' MEDICAL SCHOOL PAYS OFF This guy goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts." The doctor says, "OK. Touch your elbow." The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. The doctor, surprised, says, "Touch your head." The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Everywhere the guy touches he hurts like hell. The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays and tells the guy to come back in two days. Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor says, "We've found your problem." "Oh yeah? What is it?" the patient asks. "You've broken your finger!" DOCTOR AND PATIENT 1 Frank speaks frantically into the phone, 'My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart.' 'Is this her first child?' the doctor queries. 'No, you idiot.' Frank shouts. 'This is her husband. DOCTOR AND PATIENT 2 Doctor: Liquor is a slow poison for you. Patient: It's all-right. I'm not in a hurry. DOCTOR AND PATIENT 3 Patient: Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine. The doctor was very much pleased. He asked : Did it really help you? Patient: It helped me wonderfully. Doctor: How many bottles did you find it necessary to take? Patient: I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir.

Disclaimer: The jokes, sourced from the Internet, are purely fictional . They are meant to portray the lighter (and funnier) side of medicine and are not related to any known person(s). Any resemblance is purely coincidental. My sincere apologies if the jokes should offend anyone unintentionally.

A   statue   of   the   Joker   a.k.a jester,     jokester,     fool,     in Stratford-upon-Avon,       the birthplace of Shakespeare. (taken on 7/11/2010)

Photos of the 3 fun-loving kids off Semporna courtesy of an old friend GK Tan

Last update:  22/5/13 

A    newspaper    cutting    from the    Star    dailiy    (Malaysian English     newspaper)     mid- September 2011

Spotted in a Travel Brochure: Getting There:  Our representative will make you wait at the airport.  The hotel bus runs along the lake and you will feel pleasure in passing water.  You will know the hotel is near, because you will go round the bend.  The manager will have intercourse with all new guests.  The Hotel:  This is a family hotel, so adultery and children are welcome.  Nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children.  Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others.  But please note that ladies are not allowed to have their babies in the bar.  We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with himself.    Your Room:  Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts.  In winter, every room is on heat.  Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity.  Please feel free to ring for the chambermaid and take advantage of her. Hospitality: When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will struggle to forget  it.